EDIT: A skit about St. Justin the martyr for my religion class. NOT VERY IMFORMATIVE! :D RRplz.

GAIA:

And now…a dramatic retelling of the life of St. Justin…the Martyr. St. Justin’s feast day is April 14th. He was martyred in 165 in Rome.

PICTURE IT! 110 A.D….Nublum, Arabia…a child is born…

MARISA:

(Waves hands around fabulously.)

GAIA:

Yeah, that’s St. Justin, by the way. When he was young, St. Justin studied all the time so that he could grow up to be a philosopher. He had no friends.

MARISA:

(Studies a book.)

ZOE:

Let’s be friends!

MARISA:

No, I’m busy.

GAIA:

When he grew up, he had difficulties when he tried to find a school. He was looking for a religious philosophy.

First, he tried the stoics.

ZOE:

God? What God?

MARISA:

I’m going to go… do… stuff… now…

(Leaves.)

GAIA:

They didn’t like God much.

After that, St. Justin tried the Peripatetics.

ZOE:

(Holds fan of money and waves it around.)

Do you have any money?

MARISA:

I’m a philosopher!

ZOE:

…Go away, punk.

GAIA:

Then, St. Justin tried the Pythagoreans.

ZOE:

Hey, can you play the violin? What shape is this?

MARISA:

Uh…February?

ZOE:

You cannot join our religion if you cannot play the violin! And it’s a square, you nitwit.

GAIA:

And, finally, he tried the Platonists.

ZOE:

If you have wisdom, you will know God.

MARISA:

Uh… I’m pretty smart already… I should know god by now…

ZOE:

More wisdom for you, man…

MARISA:

(Leaves.)

GAIA:

After all of these schools, St. Justin was feeling pretty sad. Sad, sad St. Justin.

MARISA:

(Looks sad.)

I wish I had a bearded old man to tell me about Christianity… whatever that is…

GAIA:

One day, when he was walking along the beach, lo and behold, the bearded old man appeared to him.

ZOE:

Hey! I’m an old man with a beard!

MARISA:

Why, yes. Yes, you are.

GAIA:

And then, St. Justin and the old bearded man talked, and the man inspired St. Justin to become a Christian.

MARISA:

(Fabulously dramatic hand swoop.)

I am now…

ZOE:

Dun dun da duuuuuun!

MARISA:

…a Christian!

GAIA:

And then, St. Justin went on to share his new knowledge of Jesus with everybody. He wrote many books and even started a school!

MARISA:

I’m a teacher now! Hey, you! Finish that essay on the history of Christianity! It’s not that long a history!

ZOE:

I hate religion class with Mr. Martyr.

GAIA:

All was well. But, as you may or may not already know, St. Justin’s full title is St. Justin the Martyr and not The Boy Who Lived. And so, we will have an angsty, dramatic ending.

ZOE:

(Throws various stuffed animals into a realistic fire.)

I am sacrificing animals to my god by throwing them into a realistic-looking fire!

MARISA:

I do not want to sacrifice animals to your god by throwing them into a realistic-looking fire!

ZOE:

Well, you will.

MARISA:

No, I won’t.

ZOE:

Yes, you will.

MARISA:

No, I won’t.

ZOE:

Yes, you will. If you don’t, we’ll kill you!

MARISA:

(Dramatically.)

Well, then, you’ll just have to kill me.

ZOE:

Okay.

GAIA:

Soon, our saintly hero will meet his end. But first, a commercial break, to create tension.

This production was brought to you by Old Man Co. providing old man beards since 2005! And illustrations of St. Justin. (Holds up various images, including that of Justins Timberlake and Pierre.)

Oh, wrong Justins. Sorry.

(Holds up rest of St. Justin images.)

Okay, back to the drama.

MARISA:

Then, you’ll just have to kill me.

ZOE:

Okay.

MARISA:

Wait, really? Well, okay… I mean, I am a martyr, after all.

GAIA:

And so, in the end, St. Justin was decapitated.

ZOE:

(Pokes Marisa with a spork before performing a choreographed dance number.)

GAIA: The end.